Cumming in Second: The Gender of Masturbation in Western Societies

Sexual Variations The University of Amsterdam Annie Labrie 31 March 2015

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Introduction

Masturbation is as old as humankind - it exists in some of the world’s earliest writings, and is practiced in almost every civilization on Earth. Despite being a global reality, masturbation has a long history of social, and even medical, chastisement (Bullough 2008). It remained relatively invisible and unimportant, though, for many centuries, but the beginning of the 18th century brought about newfound fears. Of course, the rise of Western Christianity served as a major player in the development of misconceptions about self-pleasure, producing and perpetuating false ideas - many of which remain present today. Throughout the 18th and 19th centuries, notions that masturbation was unclean and could lead to blindness, an array of unknown illnesses, or infertility, for example, came to the forefront of the discussion, and the topic lacked any sort of substantial scientific research (Garlick 2011). Modern science, however, has disproved these theories; professionals today contend that masturbation does not pose a threat to physical or mental health, and in contrast, is a natural process that is actually quite healthy. It is the safest form of sexual pleasure, void of the risk of sexually transmitted infections or diseases or unwanted pregnancy. Current medicine promotes masturbation as a way to safely relieve stress and enhance your sex life, and contemporary feminist discourse is exceptionally vocal when it comes to women’s self-pleasure (Garlick 2011).

Even so, masturbation is somehow still considered taboo in Western societies, and is perhaps more gendered than ever before. Not surprisingly, historical accounts of masturbation have been largely (if not exclusively) centered around men; but despite the growing sexualization of girls and women, the acceptance - and much less the importance - of female masturbation and orgasm has remained neglected until recently (Watson and McKee 2013). As research regarding female sexuality has developed, a clear divide between gender is visible. Boys and girls report masturbating at different rates and facing different social pressures throughout adolescence (Watson and McKee 2013). They have varying levels of knowledge of their bodies, and understand masturbation in contrasting ways. Growing up, children receive a gendered education from school, peers, family, and the media, all of which send them mixed messages about sexuality and self-love. What are these differences, and where do they come from? In a time when sex is everywhere, why is the topic of masturbation unspeakable, and what does this say about Western views on gender and sexuality? In order to foster gender equality in the west, a better understanding of children’s ideas of sexuality, the sources from which they receive them, and how their gender affects them is crucial. By looking at the occurrence, social perceptions, and education surrounding masturbation through a gendered lens, perhaps the sexism and heteronormativity at play will become clearer, and eventually, society will catch up to science. Gender Differences

Before discussing the social aspect of masturbation, it is useful to note the differences in occurrence and methods between adolescent boys and girls. In a study by Christine E. Kaestle and Katherine R. Allen, The Role of Masturbation in Healthy Sexual Development: Perceptions of Young Adults, data were gathered from young men and women regarding thirty different sexual activities and attitudes, the areas with the largest gender discrepancies being masturbation and the use of pornography. The researchers found that men are more likely to have masturbated than women, and masturbate more often than women (2011). Anne-Frances Watson and Alan McKee find that most boys have already experienced an orgasm before their first sexual experience, whereas girls usually do not until they are sexually active. In fact, girls first experience of just “sexual arousal” tends to occur during a heterosexual relationship (2013). Labrie 2

Watson and McKee state: “[boys] have explored their own bodies; they have learned to understand what gives them pleasure and how to reach orgasm” (2013). Girls, on the other hand, are usually less experienced and knowledgeable about their own sexuality and bodies sometimes well into their sex lives and adulthood (Watson and McKee 2013).

Why is this the case? Some studies point to biological differences: male genitals are more visible and intrusive, whereas the clitoris and other sexual organs are physically more hidden. Perhaps hormonal levels contribute as well (Peterson and Hyde 2011). Most notably, knowledge about male genitals and male sexual pleasure is more common than that of the female. Especially in their adolescent years (although often much longer, too), boys and girls know little about the female anatomy, and female sexual stimulation is rather mysterious - in both formal and informal education (Clark and Wiederman 2000).

Watson and McKee’s 2013 report titled Masturbation and the Media analyzes sexual knowledge among a group of twenty-two young people between ages fourteen and sixteen. In a series of semi-structured interviews, researchers find a couple interesting paradoxes: although these children are amongst a stage of human development that is strongly characterized by sexual exploration and sex education, all the while masturbation is kept secret, a source of embarrassment, a taboo (Watson and McKee 2013). Further, when given time to think about whether masturbation is a normal human practice, both boys and girls tentatively say it is quite common and normal indeed, but still “weird” and not something to be discussed in the way that intercourse may be, for example (2013).

While boys and girls tend to share the idea that masturbation is a taboo, there are major differences in their attitudes toward the topic. Boys often begin to explore their bodies before girls, with generally stronger tendencies to pursue pleasure, and an overall more relaxed attitude toward sex (Petersen and Hyde 2010). Although it is still viewed as a source of embarrassment, boys are less serious about masturbation, viewing it as a humorous and vulgar. They talk about the television shows and comedies that reference masturbation, such as Family Guy and South Park, and report watching pornography more often than their female counterparts (2013). Girls report feelings of anxiety and embarrassment toward masturbation. Some say it is stigmatized as “lesbian-ish,” and that peers might question your sexual orientation if you do it (Watson and McKee 2013). They view it as being “dirty,” “unladylike,” and a sign of “desperation” (2013). The girls in Watson and McKee’s study report that masturbation is an alternative to a heterosexual relationship; something you do only if you cannot find someone else (2013). Contrarily, however, the same girls also claim to have read about masturbation as being healthy and important in popular magazine directed toward young women, such as Girlfriend and Dolly (Watson and McKee 2013). Education

Why do boys and girls have such different attitudes and behaviors when it comes to masturbation? Throughout adolescence, both boys and girls receive education on the subject from society, peers, parents, school, and the media. Social: Gender Norms and Expectations

Adolescents are taught how to think about self-pleasure and sexuality as according to social expectations and gender norms. As noted by Breanne Fahs and Elena Frank in their Notes from the Back Room: Gender, Power, and (In)Visibility in Women’s Experiences of Masturbation, “traditional gendered sexuality scripts usually leave initiation and pleasure seeking to men, while Labrie 3

women tend to have more passive or gate-keeping roles” (2014). In this way, boys tend to masturbate younger and at higher rates than girls simply because they are taught that they are allowed to - that this is their position. Traditional Western Christianity perpetuates gender roles in which girls are supposed to be cleanly, innocent, pure, caretakers, but boys have more room to explore (Fahs and Frank 2014). Boys learn from an early age that they are sexual beings, the initiators and achievers of sex, but girls’ genitals are viewed as “dirty” (Fahs and Frank 2014). While boys have the privilege - even the expectation - to be proud of their bodies and to discover their sexuality through masturbation, girls are taught to be ashamed, self-conscious and passive (Garlick 2011).

Paradoxically, girls and women are highly sexualized from a very young age. Hypersexualized, explicit images of the female body consume Western media, and standards of beauty and sexiness are unrealistically high for women. Right away, girls learn to dress and act sexual, in a way that satisfies the male gaze and wins the attention of boys. Yet it is less acceptable for girls to play an active role in the development of their own sexual pleasure; women are viewed as objects who provide sex, rather than take it (Fahs and Frank 2014). In reference to their (aforementioned) study, Watson and McKee state: “it appeared that young men were entitled to pleasure, and to providing that pleasure for themselves, but young women should instead focus on providing pleasure for their partner and never for themselves” (2013). It is no surprise, then, that girls express embarrassment or disgust when it comes to masturbation; this sexual agency is a threat to patriarchal gender norms. Women who are sexually dominant and knowledgeable step into the position of the male, exercising power in an area that girls and women traditionally should not. The notion that a woman may love her body as much as a man and pursue sexual pleasure for herself is a test to gender roles, and thus negative reactions to masturbation among girls is a response to increased female sexual agency.

Heteronormativity is also reflected in the discussion of masturbation in adolescents. Sexual discourse in Western societies is dominated by penal-vaginal intercourse, which altogether neglects masturbation as a legitimate sexual practice (Fahs and Frank 2014). For example, Watson and McKee find that many girls report that self-pleasure is “just wrong,” because it is meant to be with a boy (2013). Even at a young age, boys and girls are ambushed with heterosexual norms. In his Masculinity, Pornography, and the History of Masturbation, Steve Garlick notes: “the role of the imagination in masturbation not only threaten[s] sociability, it evoke[s] fears of sodomy between boys and tribadism between girls, harming their procreative mission” (2011). This conservative attitude toward masturbation dismisses queer sexuality and points to an overall societal fear of a movement away from the traditional nuclear family. When female masturbation is stigmatized as deviant, is not surprising then, that masturbation tends to be more widely accepted among queer women than heterosexual women (Fahs and Frank 2014). Lesbian women are already sexual in a way that is apart from the norm, perhaps making it easier to understand other sexual practices. Plus, lesbian women report higher rates of orgasm with or without a partner, as well as more overall sexual satisfaction than heterosexual women (Fahs and Frank 2014). Fahs and Frank theorize that this could be because of the emphasis on clitoral stimulation in both female masturbation and sex between women, meaning that women who stray from the heteronormative gender roles tend to be more advanced in knowledge about their own bodies and their sexuality (Fahs and Frank 2014). In this way, heteronormative values suppress sexual exploration and desire in girls, disallowing them from developing their sexuality in the way a boy can.

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Formal: Sex Education in Schools

Formal education is another potential source of information on masturbation for adolescents. Unfortunately, however, Western sex education typically covers ‘‘puberty, procreation and penetration,’’ neglecting the concept of pleasure altogether (Watson and McKee 2013). Here there is another case of heteronormativity, where - even formally - children are taught that heterosexual, penetrative sex is the “correct,” or only way. While the importance of safe (straight) sex is constantly emphasized, masturbation is considered unnecessary learning material. Boys and girls report receiving little to no information from their teachers regarding masturbation, and in instances where they have asked, teachers often react with embarrassment, ignoring or dismissing the topic as inappropriate material for school (Watson and McKee 2013). As Watson and McKee write, “school is telling young people...that sex is not about pleasure or control of your own body: it is about avoiding negative outcomes like disease and pregnancy” (2013).

Some sex education is abstinence only, meaning that children are taught that the only safe way to have sex is to not have it at all; a method that has been tirelessly proven ineffective in maintaining celibacy (Fahs and Frank 2014). This form of anti-sex sex education stems from (again) conservative, Christian values which still influence the conversation surrounding sex in the West today. This rhetoric reinforces the very gender norms which eliminate girls from the sexual development and exploration boys are subject to. Additionally, research concludes that many girls know much less about their own anatomy and sexual organs than boys (Kaestle and Allen 2011). Girls report confusion about “what’s down there” and a general lack of access to education about female sexual stimulation (Kaestle and Allen 2011). Boys also view female genitals as somewhat mysterious, but girls reveal an astounding ignorance about their own bodies. Sex education in schools is often so conservative that girls grow up without having gained any real knowledge about their own sexual pleasure. Familial and Peer

Research shows that parents “would like to be a key source of information for their children about sexuality,” however masturbation is often the least discussed topic regarding sex in Western households (Watson and McKee 2013). Despite the fact that self-pleasure is normal, healthy, and “the ultimate safe sex,” being void of risks of disease and pregnancy, boys and girls report having little to no conversations with their parents on the topic (Watson and McKee 2013). When asked questions about masturbation, most parents respond in the same way as teachers: embarrassed and quick to change the subject. Boys and girls report instances where their parents quickly leave the room or refuse to respond to their children’s curiosities when masturbation is portrayed in movies or on television, or even after finding their child masturbating (Watson and McKee 2013). Still, parents are more likely to discuss masturbation with their son than daughter, reinforcing unequal gender expectations that are present in school and society as well (Garlick 2011).

Research shows that peers are often a prominent source of education for adolescents. However, even among peer groups, masturbation is considered to be more of a taboo than other topics of sex. Even so, boys and young men portray a greater level of discussion of masturbation, often boast about masturbating with their male peers, joking about it and competing with each other in a way that girls do not. Although boys refer to masturbation as a private matter - a massive source of ridicule if done in public - they openly discuss the topic it in a light-hearted and personal manner (2013). A majority of young women interviewed, however, Labrie 5

state that they have “never spoken to anyone, including friends’’ about masturbation (Watson and McKee 2013). Colloquial language for the word itself also have an impact on these gender differences; there are countless slang terms for masculine masturbation, but there are very few for female masturbation (Kaestle and Allen 2011). This lack of terminology and common references to female masturbation leave peer groups with limited ability to discuss the topic at all. Media

Media is arguably one of the most influential sources of education for young people in Western societies today. Often times, the impact media has (or may have) on adolescents is viewed as threatening and negative - something to be “avoided or controlled” (Watson and Allen 2013). Older generations worry that technology has created a hyper-sexual society, one not only in which sex is visible everywhere, but also one where the youth have become dangerously sexual (Kaestle and Allen 2011). When it comes to masturbation, however, media may actually be a positive source of education. Although it remains a rather unspeakable topic, various types of media provide one of the only platforms which allows for (to a certain extent) the discussion of masturbation. When parents, peers, and formal education fail to provide girls with accurate information about masturbation, some media can “fill the gap” (Watson and McKee 2013).

As aforementioned, many girls report reading magazines containing sex-positive and promasturbation literature. In this case, girls are able to gain valuable and accurate scientific knowledge about self-pleasure, orgasm, and sexual health (Watson and McKee 2013). As sexpositive feminism gains popularity, more and more research on female sexual pleasure and the health benefits of masturbation surfaces, and much of this information reaches books, magazines, feminist websites and blogs, and modern television shows - all at the hands of female youth. Media representation of male masturbation, however, tends to be restricted to vulgar jokes; but in a world where boys are much more likely to masturbate, explore their sexuality, and develop sexual agency, perhaps humor is sufficient for now (Kaestle and Allen 2011). For girls and women, though, media may be one of the most powerful sources of sexual education. Conclusion

When considering the global and historical prevalence or masturbation, and the enormous amount of sex that is present and visible in today’s modern world, it is difficult to make sense of the negative stigma attached to self-pleasure. For both boys and girls, it is still taboo - a source of embarrassment, a private affair, and most definitely not something to be discussed with teachers or parents. Young girls and women internalize the sexism present in education and social norms, struggling to allow themselves the same sexual experiences boys and men have. Heterosexual women report less sexual satisfaction than men, and experience orgasm at lower rates than men (Peterson and Hyde 2010). Girls, especially, require more accurate education about their own anatomy, as well as the freedom to explore their sexuality without shame or social chastisement.

Masturbation is a natural and healthy part of human development, and Western societies should treat it as such. It is not only a pleasant and relaxing experience, but also important for the progression of gender equality as a whole. In the words of Watson and McKee, “it is the ultimate form of safe sex; if we are concerned to alleviate high rates of unwanted pregnancy and STIs, masturbation is a sexual practice that can safely be encouraged” (2013). Further, girls with positive attitudes toward masturbation tend to feel more comfortable discussing sex and Labrie 6

communicate more often and more authoritatively about sexual desire and pleasure (Peterson and Hyde 2011). They express more agency and excitement about sex, and are less likely to think of themselves as the “property” of boys. Further, they often have higher levels of self esteem and a better understanding of their own sexuality (Peterson and Hyde 2011). In order to take advantage of the multiple benefits of female self-pleasure, the discussion surrounding masturbation must be opened to all genders in a non-judgmental way. In the end, people - even young people - are sexual beings; might as well end the secrecy and enhance girl power and pleasure for all.

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