The Funeral or Memorial Service Why should the child attend? Saying good-bye is one purpose of a funeral. Tell your child that other people will also come to say good-bye. And a funeral is a reality marker to acknowledge the death. It is a time for the child (and others) to confront the reality, to begin to accept the fact of death. This is the sad part of the funeral, and it's okay to admit the sadness. Finding comfort and strength through faith. Your faith and your spouse's faith will probably be reflected in the memorial service, and that may well mean a declaration of life after death. Many children are comforted in believing that their parent (that is, the real person or soul) is in heaven. Should very young children attend? Most children over age 6 should attend. For those age 3-6, your judgment is needed. No child should be forced to attend but should be given the choice and encouraged to attend. Families need to be together during the funeral or memorial service. Being together now allows you to move forward together later. You help support each other through this time. Rehearsing helps. Learning in advance what will be seen and heard is good preparation. If you cannot manage to rehearse the service, ask a family member, friend, pastor or funeral director to do it for you. A parting gift? Ask the child if he/she would like to leave something in the casket - a drawing, memento or letter. This allows the child to say good-bye in a special way and to feel included. Alternatives to burial. Most families will have the body buried in a casket. Others use cremation or donation and these procedures will need to be explained. For cremation, you might say "The body is turned into soft ashes by a very hot fire. These very special ashes are then put into a container called an urn. For donation the explanation could be "Dad or Mom gave permission to the doctor to use part of their body. It's their way of giving life to someone else." Reality through play. Play is a necessary part of a child's life. It is normal for a child to re-enact the funeral and to pretend to be sick or dying in a play situation. Don't be alarmed if you see such play.

NOTE: If you are reading this page after the service, You might think you didn't do everything just right. You did the best you could. Focus now on what lies ahead.

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