Sathya Sai Parenting Regional Parenting E-Magazine

| Region 94 (Zone-9B) | Issue 14 | June 2017 |

“The home and the family is the basic social institution everywhere in the world. When the home improves, the whole world will be better. " -Swami

Contents (Please click on the titles to view the respective contents)

1. EDITORIAL 2. HARMONY IN HOME THROUGH VALUE EDUCATION 3. TRADITIONAL PARENTING VERSUS SAI PARENTING 4. KEEP GOD ALWAYS AS THE FIRST PRIORITY IN LIFE 5. SPEAK SOFTLY AND SWEETLY

6. HABITS 7. PARENTING MEANS …… 8. LESSON FOR PARENTS 9. PARENTING IS A STEP TO SELF-FULFILLMENT 10. HOW TO CHANGE THE HABIT OF A CHILD 11. PARENTING – A PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE 12. DIFFERENCE BETWEEN P- PARENTING AND SP- SAI PARENTING 13. INSPIRATION FROM SWAMI ON PARENTING 14. IS YOUR LOVE HARMING YOUR KIDS? 15. DIVINE QUOTES 16. SAI PARENTING

EDITORIAL At the outset, we offer our humble pranaams at the Lotus Feet of our beloved Bhagawan and thank Him for His Grace and Blessings for giving us this opportunity to compile the fourteenth issue of the Zone 9 B e-magazine “Sathya Sai Parenting”. Swami says, "Parents have the primary responsibility to mould the character of their children". The character is moulded through our example, instruction, love and discipline. Children are like fresh cloth; they can be given any colour you like. Just dip them in that colour, that is enough. Adults are like old clothes that will not imbibe colour so easily and well. The obligation of parents does not end with providing food, schooling, and knowledge of worldly matters. The children should also be provided with right values. Right from childhood, parents should teach their children what is good and what is bad. They should not be satisfied merely with securing them an admission in a college and acquiring a degree. Children learn a great deal by observing and emulating what their parents do. Thus, it becomes imperative for parents to implant right ideals in the minds of their children. Parents are the first role models for each child and as a role model, they need to set an example for children, through their own practice of human values in our daily lives. Swami says, “Be, Do and then Tell.”

Mothers are the makers of a nation’s fortune. They should teach their children two lessons - fear of sin and fondness of virtue. Both these are based on faith in God as the inner motivator of all. The parents must improve themselves for the sake of their children. Example is more important than precept. When the parents have no reverence for God, how can the child grow into a happy, healthy and balanced individual? Swami says “Children are precious treasures given to you. Yours is the great task of rearing them to become devoted servants of God and sincere spiritual aspirants”. The primary duty of a parent is to over-see their child’s spiritual development, to awaken in them the Divine knowledge that they already pos-sess, namely, that they are God, that they are no different from God.

The history of Bharat is replete with many illustrious sons such as Dhruva, Markandeya, Adi Sankara, Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar and Mahatma Gandhi who were brought up with noble values by their virtuous parents. Swami says "Parents and teachers can earn My Grace only by becoming good and worthy examples to their sons or daughters or to their wards and students. You must examine yourselves every moment whether you are observing the disciplines I have laid down, the programs of service I have marked out. That is the way to earn My Love." We offer with love and reverence this edition of the e-magazine at the Lotus Feet of our beloved Bhagawan. Editorial Team SSE, Abu Dhabi

HARMONY IN THE HOME THROUGH VALUE EDUCATION

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al Vikas is well known among the Indian fraternity in Oman. Being based in Muscat, we always wanted our children to be associated with values and learning, which our Indian culture upholds. When we came to know of Sai Spiritual Education (SSE Class) near our home, we decided to enroll our daughter Swarna for the weekend classes. We had never associated with them earlier and were eager to know what was taught in the classes. Swarna started her classes and was very happy. Gradually as time passed, we found positive changes in her. After each class, she would come back and immediately share the new and interesting learnings of that day. Progressively we got acquainted with moral stories, bhajans, shlokas and games that she had picked up from her SSE Gurus. One evening, I was lighting the lamp during my evening prayers when she returned. My daughter joined in and said, “Amma, I will sing the Arathi to the Lord.” I was elated to see my little girl transforming in a way we always desired - an initiative by oneself to be involved with the Supreme Lord and seek His Grace. Her shloka chanting and singing of Arathi provided a gush of bliss and pleasure to us.

She still continues to regularly attend her SSE Class and imbibes all the learnings and implements these values at home week after week. These values are not only confined to her home; we are able to see a mature behavior outside too. She has started to exhibit these values in her day to day thoughts and responses. One such incident, which still leaves us amazed, happened on the night of Maha Shivaratri. At home, we were all awake observing our fast and prayers. She came up and said, “Amma, I want to do 11 rounds of Veda chanting for Lord Shiva.” She had learnt Veda for the Annual Day program of 2016. We were pleasantly surprised with her sudden request and were

wondering if she would be able to chant after a gap of three months. She placed a mat, closed her eyes, positioned herself as taught by her SSE Gurus and went in deep prayer of Lord Shiva with her Veda chanting. We were immersed in her synchronized rhythmic devotional chants that night. Our daughter had indeed learnt the spirit of Goodness! The training at SSE Classes has brought harmony in our life. We would encourage parents to enroll their children in SSE classes, as it would help them in the development of moral values, cultural values and in acquiring wisdom. The child we inspire, motivate and empower will be the educator of tomorrow. Just as they inspire harmony at home by practicing the SSE values, they will be instrumental in bringing Harmony in the World.

Priya Iyer SSE Parent Oman

“If children are to be persons of good character, adhering to good practices, the parents should be of good character and exemplary conduct”

TRADITIONAL PARENTING VERSUS SAI PARENTING

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hat is the difference between Traditional Parenting and Sai Parenting? Some differences are highlighted below: In Traditional Parenting, we parent the children as though they are our children. In Sai Parenting, we parent the children as though they are Swami’s children. In reality, parents are only standing in for the one true parent of all, which is God. We are custodians and guardians for God. Swami has said “Children do not come to you, but through you. Parents must feel that they are servants appointed by the Lord to tend to the little souls that are born in their households, as the gardener tends to the trees in the garden of the Master…. Children are precious treasures given to you. Yours is the great task of rearing them to become devoted servants of God and sincere spiritual aspirants…Take care of them as you would your neighbour’s jewellery.”

In Traditional Parenting, parents have anxiety and doubt about their children’s future. In Sai Parenting, parents are taught to have faith in the background that irrespective of how their children are and what they are today, because they are not their children but Swami’s children, the children will always do very well in life. The thoughts and emotional feelings of parents are constant vibrations that children inherit and this has a very deep spiritual significance. Parent’s most dominant thoughts of their children will have the greatest bearing on what their children will become in life. So, in Sai Parenting, parents are taught always to think and feel right, think and feel positive, and think and feel of a very bright future irrespective of the present. These thoughts and feelings come from the undercurrent of unconditional love towards Swami’s children who do not belong to them but are only born through them! Faith in Swami and Unconditional Love towards the child help Sai parents to always think and feel right, in full faith, about their child’s future - this is

the fundamental essence of Sai Parenting.

This undercurrent element of love changes the manner of communication with children. The tone and vocabulary in traditional parenting is really very condescending and the approach is all about controlling the child without giving any respect to that the fact that a child is a human being with its own needs and rights. The way Traditional Parents handle children is as though they are not handling human beings but machines. Parents have a duty to relate to children. There is a respect that a 13-year old deserves and expects. Parents have a duty and an obligation to give that respect to that 13-year old. For many of the Parents, their expressions of love lack that respect. And truly, love is not love if there is no respect in the expressions of love! Sai Parenting is therefore parenting the children in this environment of love, where respect, transparency, autonomy to a child’s rights become an integral inseparable element of Parental love. Swami’s recommendation of “If you cannot oblige, you can at least speak obligingly…” is applied to manner of communication with children as well!

Traditional Parenting is about bringing up an Ideal Child. In Sai Parenting, it is all about being Ideal Parents who are an ideal married couple living in an Ideal Home.... Swami has said, a) “…It is the parent’s responsibility to be a role model, by being an ideal child to their parents (i.e. chil dren’s grandparents), an ideal parent and an ideal married couple living in an Ideal home....” b) “…The home is a temple where each member of the family is a moving temple and is nurtured and nourished. The mother is the high priestess of the House of God. Humility is the incense with which

the house is filled. Reverence is the lamp that is lit with love as Oil and Faith as wick….If the home is filled with clean fragrance of contentment and peace, all its occupants will be happy and healthy….” c) “… Children should grow in an environment of reverence, devotion, mutual respect and cooperation…” d) “…First Be, next Do and only then finally Say….” e) “…. Start the day with Prayer, Fill the day with Practice, End the day with Patience, this is the way to Parenting …”

Traditional Parenting is about refining the personality and related behavior of the child. Thus the focus is on Physical, Mental and Intelligence domain without “Sow the seeds of Aanandha, anukoola, anyonya and anuraaga--joy, mutual harmony, unison and love even while your chil-dren are young; that is the richest inheritance you can give them, the most useful insurance against the attack of despair, despondency and discontent” emphasis on strengthening the moral compass. Sai Parenting is about the developing the character of the child. The focus is, in addition to Physical, Mental and Intelligence domain, on the Emotional (Feeling) and Spiritual domain as well. The approach is based on strengthening the moral compass through greater understanding and application of Human Values – Truth, Love, Peace, Non-Violence and Right Conduct in their day-to-day life.

Traditional Parenting is about equipping the child with tools and techniques to win the rat race of material success. In Sai Parenting, Swami has said- “… Never compare the child with anyone. Each child is unique and comes with innate talent and potential… The child should be made to compete only with its

own self, its potential…” The objective of Sai Parenting therefore is not competition with others but manifestation of latent, innate talent and potential. Parents channelize children’s energy towards developing their talents and towards having more cordial relationships with other human beings, i.e. friends and family members.

stick to the path of spiritual practice and succeed will only be a handful. This is a great chance. This chance will not come your way again. Be aware of that. If you cannot and do not cross this sea of grief now, taking hold of this chance, when again will you get such a chance? Be confident that you will be liberated. Know that you will be saved. … Many hesitate to believe that things will improve, that life will be happy for all and full of joy and that the Golden Age will recur. Let me assure you that this Avatar, this Divine Body, has not come in vain.”

Sai Parenting reinforces the faith in children that if their path has crossed the path of Swami in this life, that is not in vain! Shankar Ramaswamy

Finally, the world is going through testing times and the changes of the future will challenge the younger generation in a significant manner. Our children are going to inherit our world and the problems that our generation has created. Sai Parenting prepares the child, the citizens of tomorrow, to face those challenges with faith. And more importantly, Sai Parenting helps them to focus on their primary priority of human birth - self-realization. Swami has said "I have come to give you the key of the treasure of bliss, to tell you how to tap that spring, for you have forgotten the way to blessedness. If you waste this chance of saving yourselves, it is just your fate. You have come to get from me tinsel and trash, the petty little cures and promotions, worldly joys and comforts. Very few of you desire to get from me the very thing I have come to give you, namely, liberation itself and even among those of you who do, those who

SSE Guru Dubai

“If children are to be virtuous, it is the parents who have to take care of them. The parents are responsible for the success of their children in all the endeavours”

KEEP GOD ALWAYS AS THE

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FIRST PRIORITY IN LIFE

t was Tuesday and a bhajan day at our Abu Dhabi Sai center. My family and I would go to our friend Mr. Deshpande’s residence and from there we would go together with his family to the bhajan venue. On that day, I remember when we entered the house, I heard Mr. Deshpande telling his son Amey, “No, do not give me an excuse for missing the bhajans, you have 24 hours in a day and this one hour will not affect your studies; on the contrary you will only benefit from it”. Later, as I walked along with them, I understood that Amey had his school examination the following day and hence he wished to be excused from attending the bhajan that evening.

Many years later I was listening to a student’s interview, who was also a lead bhajan singer, on Radio Sai and what he went on to narrate, brought back memories of the episode that had occurred at Mr. Deshpande’s residence. The student went on to say that, examinations were on and as a result lead singers had not rehearsed their bhajans before singing in the Divine Presence. They were of the opinion that Swami would understand that due to the examinations, students were hard pressed for time and hence had skipped rehearsals. However, after each bhajan session, Swami would nod His head in disapproval and say that the bhajans were not up to the mark. The students who were very good singers did not find any flaw in their singing and were very surprised that Swami was disappointed with their singing. After the examinations concluded, the bhajan boys rehearsed and on that day, Swami was very happy with their singing. The boys seemed puzzled since in their hearts they knew they had sung equally well on all the previous occasions, but then why was Swami disappointed? On introspection, they realized that Swami was not happy with them skipping rehearsal sessions. They learnt that you can make God happy only when you give him the first priority in your life. This is the lesson which each parent must follow for themselves and also help their children to imbibe.

“The children of rich and "educated' parents are severely handicapped. They are deprived of the love and care of the parents. They are handed over to the care of servants and ayahs and they grow up in their company and learn their vocabulary and habits and styles of thought. This is very undesirable”

Today, Amey is Dr. Amey Deshpande, having successfully completed his PhD and is highly qualified with many other degrees to his credit. He received a gold medal from Swami on passing his MBA program with distinction. Today he describes himself as a passionate educationist, education as defined by His Master, Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba and a proud member of the Prasanthi Bhajan Group. Mohan Rao SSE Guru Abu Dhabi

SPEAK SOFTLY AND SWEETLY

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As the tone in which you convey it; “Come here!” I sharply said,

hildren are tender beings and they are acutely sensitive to the world around them. They are apt to pick up on how words are said rather than the words themselves. They do not like to be shouted at and even if the words are well intended, it is the volume of the message that they hear. One only need to witness a cringing child to know that voices raised in frustration or anger can do as much emotional harm as a raised hand inflicts physical pain. The research has found that when adults talk to children at a distance, they raise their voice and shout. Small children do not have “spatial” intelligence. They cannot understand distance, they do not know the difference between near and far. So shouting may be a method to attract their attention and get them to execute their instructions. However, when a child is spoken to loudly, the child also learns to respond to that sound in the same frequency, i.e. loudly. Also it has been found out that loud speaking to and of a child grows into anger in the child. And anger in a child is the seed of anger in an adult. Speak softly to your children and one of the six enemies of man anger is slowly overcome when the child grows into an adult.

Using a quiet voice encourages good listening skills in children and a calm voice is effective in getting their attention. The tone of your voice is just as important as the volume. Children are much more likely to listen to a voice that sounds warm and encouraging than to one that sounds harsh and judgmental. A caring and inviting tone of voice communicates our desire to have an atmosphere of acceptance, love, and respect. It’s not so much what you say As the manner in which you say it; It’s not so much the language you use

And the child cowered and wept. “Come here”, I said He looked and smiled And straight to my lap he crept. Words may be mild and fair

And the tone may pierce like a dart; Words may be soft as the summer air But the tone may break my heart; For words come from the mind Grow by study and art – But tone leaps from the inner self Revealing the state of the heart. Whether you know it or not,

Whether you mean or care, Gentleness, kindness, love and hate, Envy, anger, are there. Then, would you quarrels avoid, And peace and love rejoice? Keep anger not only out of your words – Keep it out of your voice. ~Anisha Sipporah Swami has said “Your speech should be good. Never utter harsh words. Speak softly and sweetly. That is why I tell you often, “You cannot always oblige, but you can always speak obligingly.” Say what you have to say without harshness. Speak softly so that only the person for whom your words are intended may hear you. Such soft and sweet speech should be developed”. Harini Madhavan SSE Guru Dubai

HABITS

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abits are formed when we repeatedly do the same thing and the behaviour gets registered in the subconscious mind. The repeat behaviour creates a habit. Parents and teachers should correct the child immediately if a mistake in their behaviour occurs. Do not allow it to recur often as this will affect the child for the whole of his life.

There was once a mother who carried her baby child to the market. She was walking past a fruit stall and

noticed that her child had a banana in his hand. The mother looked pleased and said to the boy “Good! I see that you will be able to look after yourself in the future.” The boy grew up and would often go to the market to steal many things. A few years passed by, the boy became a young man. One day he decided to rob a bank. The guards started a fight and the young man shot one of the guards dead. The police later arrested the young man and he was put on trial in a court. He was found guilty and was handed down a death sentence by the presiding judge. On the day he was to be executed he requested for one last wish. “I want to

see my mother”. The warden was happy that this criminal should want to pay respect to the mother before dying. So the mother was called to come and meet her son. When the mother came, the son became very angry. He yelled at his mother “If on that day, when you took me to the market, you had scolded me and taught me not to steal, this day would never have happened.” This is a big lesson for all of us. Teachers and parents should be on the alert for an erroneous action by the child and help the child to mend his ways before a habit is formed. But this applies to our own action. We

should correct ourselves for any mistake that we do as soon as possible. If we allow it to repeat again and again, then we have allowed a programme to be set in the subconscious mind and it will not be easy to remove it. Sis. Rama SSE Guru Riyadh, KSA

“The parents are to blame for three-fourths of their children's behavior”

PARENTING MEANS …. Providing the necessary support to children but not making things easily available. Adjusting the life style to make children’s life more comfortable but at the same time making them realize the sacrifices undertaken. Reminding them that they also have duties and responsibilities to fulfill until they achieve individual and family goals. Entering the void area and trying hard to bridge the gaps in relationships at every stage of decision making for the sake of the child and the family. Never under-estimating the latent and patent talents of the children and creating necessary platforms to kindle their interests from time to time. Teaching them good values of life in addition to achieving their professional goals and ensuring both are always in harmony. Informing them on all relevant things happening around the world, so that they are part and parcel of each step the parent takes. Nurturing the good habits in them and explaining to them the effects of such good habits which stand in good stead with the children throughout their life. Giving them the best of everything and also ensuring that it is not overdone and not giving them a feel that life is easy! Sridhar Krishnan Oman

"Mothers are the makers of a nation's fortune or misfortune, for they shape the sinews of its soul. Those sinews are toughened by two lessons - fear of sin and fondness of virtue”

LESSON FOR PARENTS

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n two independent houses, separated by a compound wall, lived two people - a retired person and a techie. They had planted identical saplings on either side of the compound. The techie used to provide a lot of water and manure to the plants. The retired man, just a small quantity of water and a little manure. The techies’ plant grew into a lush green, leafy robust plant. The retired person's plant was a near normal but more luxuriant than his neighbour's. One night, there was a heavy rain with gusty wind. Next morning, both came out to see the fate of the plants. To the techie's surprise, his plant had got uprooted whereas his neighbour's was unharmed.

The techie asked the retired man as why his plant was uprooted despite such good care whereas the neighbour had hardly cared for it. The retired person's answer should be a lesson to all of us. “Look young man, you had supplied everything a plant would need, in abundance, and the plant did not have to go in search of it. Your plant’s roots did not have to go down. I was supplying just enough to keep it alive. For the rest, the roots had to go down into the ground to fulfil its needs. Since your plant’s roots were superficial, the rain and wind could easily fell it. Since my plant’s roots were deeply grounded, they could withstand the onslaught of the nature. The same applies to your children too.” Allow the child to struggle with its own life issues. Our purpose for being in the body is to overcome it, transcend it. If we do not teach them how to face each situation fearlessly, to confront problems and challenges, fighting with a strong will and all their might to overcome the evil forces that are here on earth, then they will succumb. Our conscience is training their conscience, teaching them what is right and what is wrong. This will develop a pattern of

behaviour that will sustain them throughout their lives. Sai teaches us, "Do good and have good in return; do bad and accept the bad that comes back; that is the law." If our child makes a mistake, we can teach them how to correct it. This builds their self-esteem and self-confidence, which are essential aspects of self-love. Can we continue to deny our children the art of self-discipline, the core of character building, by spoiling them? Swami says, "Parents have the primary responsibility to mould the character of children. Too much freedom should not be given out of excessive affection. Children should be taught to exercise self-restraint and observe discipline in their daily life. If parents are negligent in bringing up the children in their most tender years, it will not be easy to correct them later on." Rangesh SSE GURU Abu Dhabi

PARENTING IS A STEP TO SELF-FULFILLMENT Blackwell Encyclopedia of Social Work. Blackwell. p. 245. ISBN 978-0-631-21451-9.)

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he home and the family is the basic social institution in the world. When the home improves, the whole world will be better. The family is essential for the blossoming of the human personality. It is in the home that the individual members of the family influence each other. This has a bearing on the thinking patterns and behaviour amongst the family members. As far as the child is concerned, the long-lasting impressions acquired in the home setting will surface in the later years of the child’s life and thus aid and guard them in the journey of life. Thus, the foundation of imbibing Right Conduct begins here. Home is the dwelling place of Right Conduct. “The role of Parenting or Child rearing is the process of promoting & supporting the social, emotional, physical, financial & intellectual facets of a child from infancy to adulthood.” (Davies, Martin (2000). The

Wiley-

Parents should teach their children the sacred principles like love, compassion, forbearance, tolerance & sacrifice. This is best done in the form of story narrations, either from the epics, etc. or real time stories from the present times. Children have unselfish love; they are innocent onlookers; they observe the actions of the elders. Thus, they learn their lessons from the home much earlier than from school. So, parents have to be very careful in their behaviour with the children and amongst themselves. As children grow up, they are exposed to influences from the outer world, viz., school, friends, playground etc. It is important for the parents to develop a transparent and understanding relationship, so that the manipulative skills of a child do not come into play. If there is a room for discord and imbalance, the child may have the tendency to use this space to get his undesirable demands fulfilled. For instance, if the child knows that the father will not scold and will accord permission for eating an extra dose of chocolates, then he will go to the father and obtain his sanction for the same and report to the mother that the permission was granted by the father. Likewise, if the mother’s permission can be obtained for attending a friend’s get-together, they would do exactly that. These practices, if not checked at an early stage, will create imbalances in the child’s ability to cope with the challenges of discord that they could face later in life.

“Children must grow up in homes where their parents honour their parents, in their turn, and are happy only when they serve their elders. Then only will children revere their parents! This must be taught to them by example, rather than precept". - Swami

Parenting refers to the aspect of raising a child aside from biological relationship. Responsive parenting includes display of warmth and the use of cooperation and negotiation, promoting positive wisdom and knowing how to use them appropriately, conveying to a child that the parent is reasonable and flexible and developing a child’s ability and willingness to compromise & take right decisions. The parents lay strong foundation, which would help to develop the ability to control the senses, mind and thoughts and direct them towards God. The goal of a Parent is to develop “self-discipline”. Setting limits helps your child to develop self-control. Encouraging independence helps the child to develop a sense of self-direction and be successful in life. Sometimes it may seem difficult for the parent to encourage independence, but this decision has to be taken, even if it means some sort of sacrifice on the part of the parent. When my daughter took the right decision on her own to join the Sri Sathya Sai Institute

of Higher Learning at Anantapur – for FYBCOM (HONS), our family supported her wholeheartedly for taking this wise decision. The best way to get respect from one’s child is for the parents to be courteous & also respect the feelings of the child. Speak to him/her politely. Respect the child’s opinion. The parents need to be patient listeners. The children will treat others, as how their parents treat them. Home is HEAVEN, when there is love & understanding. So, we must not give room for any distrust and hostility. When some incidents happen, which give rise to distrust or hostility, we must immediately take refuge at the Lotus Feet and involve ourselves in positive activities, which will help in bringing Joy and Grace in the home. We must have open discussions in a Divine setting and resolve matters in a most understanding manner. Parenting is a step to self-fulfillment. Uma Ramani Iyer SSE Parent Oman

HOW TO CHANGE THE HABIT OF A CHILD

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f we find that a child is lazy and will not study in the class, we can change the child’s habit through prayers or dynamic thoughts. In the morning assembly, the teachers can lead prayers and get the children to repeat – for example: “From today, I will work hard. I will study in my class and I will perform my duty to the best of my ability. I will be successful in my life.” By repeating such positive affirmation for a few days, these thoughts will be stored in the subconscious and we will notice a change in the habit of the child. Jyoti SSE Guru Riyadh, KSA

PARENTING – A PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE I am trying my best to overcome the above issues with my child. Since she has some difficulties with spellings, she has some fear and seems to be diffident many a time. I am following a method which I find useful. First I have taught her to repeat the names of God before doing anything which will become a habit as she grows. To develop this habit, I sing her favourite bhajan and later try to get her into the mood to study.

I ask my child to dictate words to me and I pretend that I am unaware of the correct spelling. I try to write them wrongly and she is extremely happy to correct me. In order to learn, I write each word five times and the same practice is followed by her without any hesitation.

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e come across many situations in parenting when it becomes necessary to instill confidence and overcome disappointment. Swami says, “Self- confidence cannot be purchased or obtained through learning. It is based on deservedness. To attain deservedness, develop divine thoughts. If you have faith in God, He will protect you in the face of all adversities. He is always with you, in you, above you, beside you, around you." (Excerpts of the Divine Discourse: Sathya Sai Baba "Cultivate Divine Love." 25 Dec 2001, Prasanthi Nilayam). Any parent would be very much worried when their child has learning disabilities and struggles to learn. It is during those moments that listening to the child is very important so that the child is aware that he/she is being understood by the parent. Giving confidence to that child is very important. Therefore it is always better to speak to the child that every one of us has gone through such difficulties and have overcome them in due course, which will give confidence.

When the child shows no interest in a particular subject, it is important that we change the activity into something that interests the child, for some time, in order to create a good and conducive atmosphere. I keep repeating some spellings very often and by constantly hearing she is able to learn and I find this approach very positive. The above steps have played an important role in instilling a lot of confidence and self-esteem in my child. I am very thankful and indebted to Swami for His abundant blessings and guidance always. These are my practical experiences and I thank you for the opportunity of sharing them with you all. J K USHA SSE PARENT OMAN

“Parents have a duty to shape their children as ideals sons of the nation”

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN P-PARENTING & SP-SAI PARENTING

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oday the parents give unlimited freedom to their child which is highly disastrous. If the children are not controlled at the tender age, they can never be controlled. A child to a large extent controls the family. Therefore it is imperative that a child learns self-control and Children must grow up in an atmosphere of reverence, devotion, mutual respect and co-operation. They must be taught respect for parents, teachers and elders. For this, Sai Parenting Step is the most appropriate One. P- Parenting takes responsibility for your growth. SP- Sai parenting makes you responsible for your growth. P- Gives you things you do not have and require. SP- Takes away things you have and do not require. P- Educates obedience and discipline to the pupil. SP- Also educates trust and humility to the pupil. P- Sends you on the road to success. SP- Sends you on the road to freedom. P- Explains the world and its nature to you. SP- Explains yourself and your nature to you. P- Gives you knowledge and boosts your ego. SP- Takes away your knowledge and punctures your ego. P- Instructs you. SP- Constructs you. P- Sharpens your mind. SP- Opens your mind. P- Reaches your mind. SP- Touches your heart. P- Instructs you on how to solve problems. SP- Shows you how to resolve issue. P- Leads you by the hand. SP- Make you by example. Ranjani Srinivasan SSE Guru Abu Dhabi

“The home and the family is the basic social institution everywhere in the world. When the home improves, the whole world will be better"

INSPIRATION FROM SWAMI ON PARENTING

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wami says “Parents must feel that they are servants appointed by the Lord to tend the little souls that are born in their households, as the gardener tends the trees in the Garden of the Master”

The present day world is a scientific marvel. Science and technology is making leaps and bounds and progressing well. Science is giving lot of materialistic benefits, but our aim should be to use science and technology as a tool for the betterment of the society. As science progresses, man’s travel outside is more, we are sending rockets/ satellites and vehicles to Moon/ Mars. We have made progress in information technology wherein we are sharing especially information and data in seconds with the entire world. The smart phones are not only used for making calls, but to take pictures, share them, browse the internet. Any information is at our finger tips and if the teachers or parents tell any fact to our children, the same is immediately verified by them on the internet and if we have not done our homework properly, we may be proved wrong. However, the internet is also very disruptive and addictive, especially the Social Networking sites and our children fall prey to them and waste their valuable time and lose their focus on studies. There are many gadgets now available to the extent that many of the activities earlier done physically are done electronically including playing games. So our children don’t even go out and play in the open, they sit inside the house and play electronic games. Further, the World is becoming more and more competitive, making the children work hard in the midst of various distractions. Adding to that, parents impose their parental desires or expectations on their children and want them to fulfill the same. Many a

time, we as parents tell our children that we wanted to become a Doctor/ Engineer, something we could not accomplish, and that our children should become one. We don’t even ask them what their desire or passion in life is. Often we want our children to be an all-rounder and hence we put them in other activities like music, drawing, sports - and the children may be engaged in these activities without much interest. This adds to their pressure on time management. As parents, we compare our children with other children and also amongst our own children. We sometimes scold or criticize them in front of others. This action kills the self-esteem in the child and thereby, they lose their self-confidence. As parents, we have many challenges in parenting and we need to be guided by Swami’s teachings to give them the right guidance and direction. “It is an unfortunate fact that today ninety percent of the children are spoilt by parents themselves”

Parenting starts even before the birth of the child, that is, it starts when the child is in the mother’s womb. When she has conceived the baby, she should read sacred texts and be in good and sacred company. The child inside you starts following you right from then. As when Kayadhu conceived Prahlada, she was in the hermitage of Sage Narada and she was listening to the discourses of great sages on righteous living and greatness of God. So when Prahlada grew up, he defied his father and glorified Narayana. King Hiranyakashipu made several attempts to kill Prahlada but every time Lord Narayana saved him.

In the present day world, when both the parents are working, this may be practically difficult but then one

should try to spend time whenever possible reading scriptures, attending discourses and bhajans etc. (Of course, you get all these resources on the internet, so there is no need to even go out to such engagements). Hence it is important for the pregnant mother to have good thoughts and be in good company and be happy, so that the child born to her will be born with good values. As children grow, they go through various stages till they become adults and these are the formative stages for the children. In the initial years, we teach the child to walk and speak, and make them learn the basics in education. The child in the learning process will ask a lot of questions and we, as parents, have to patiently answer them with logic. We should encourage them and try to know their strength and weakness. We should work on their weakness by encouraging them rather than criticizing them. Children look at us as role models and naturally we

“If children are to be virtuous, it is the parents who have to take care of them. The parents are responsible for the success of their children in all the endeavors” -Swami have to set an example to them. We should spend quality time with them. Dinner time is the best time for the entire family to sit together and communicate with each other. If we find that the child is showing interest in any field say music or sports, we should provide them with sufficient opportunity to develop the same. Parents should correct the child for the lapses in behavior or mistakes, as otherwise, the children will not learn values and they may stray into bad habits. We should explain to the child the consequences of such lapses, so that the child will learn not to repeat the same. We should trust our children; however we should be monitoring their activities and should set them straight whenever they stray. Our communication with the child should be straight forward and clear. We should first listen to them

patiently and communicate effectively and lovingly what they are expected to do. Swami says “If human values are not developed in childhood, then that person will remain devoid of them in adulthood. A child should be taught the 3Ds - Duty, Discipline and Devotion. Duty is God, Devotion and Discipline are the two bodyguards. Children are the makers of the future. If their life is good, then they will be good citizens of a good country. Ego comes due to ignorance. The causes of Ego are status, wealth, knowledge and material possessions; these come and go. Money comes and goes, but morality comes and grows”. Baba says “It better to be good than great”. Worldly knowledge is important for making a living and this can also make you a great person, but parents should teach values also alongside, so that the child can grow into a GOOD human being. Never make any comparison between the siblings as this puts down the child who is not performing well.

As parents, we should set certain rules for all those in the home to follow and ensure that these rules are not violated. As the child grows into adolescence, we have to be like friends to them and listen to them. We should discuss with them the pros and cons of a particular action that they are undertaking and correct them as far as possible. We should keep reminding them of the goals set in their life and encourage them to work and do well. To conclude, parents have a big role to play in moulding our children and make them good citizens of the country we live in. Swami has given us directions on how to play this role and we should follow them meticulously so that our children grow into good human beings. Kalyana Krishnan SSE Guru Abu Dhabi

IS YOUR LOVE HARMING YOUR KIDS?

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ids today have a room full of toys and games. Some they ask, some they do not. But, they still get them. Everything in excess is the new mantra of life.

Our parents taught us self-reliance, while we hover around our children and want to protect them at all costs. We like to hold our babies closer to the

protection of the nest. We go out of our way and rustle up something when they don’t eat what’s cooked at home for everyone else, because we don’t want them to go to sleep hungry. Instead of letting them play outside, we organize activities for them. We do their homework and their assignments. We even resolve their conflicts for them. It makes me wonder, what will happen to these kids when they grow up? Will they get a gift every time they fail? Will they be able to handle disappointment? A child who has never

been denied anything, how will he cope with rejections? There are a growing number of cases when kids run away from home or commit suicide because they are not able to deal with low marks in examinations or when they fail to secure an admission in an institution of their choice. Will their parents keep them hidden in their bosom all their life? Our mothers never ran after us, a scraped knee was just that. She would ask us to wash it with some water and then forget about it. But, there was no

drama that followed. Falling and hurting was a part of daily life for us. We cycled, climbed up trees and jumped from the stairs. Today, kids travel in elevators and escalators (because they might fall down the stairs and get themselves hurt). Earlier, kids walked and cycled. I hardly see kids walking nowadays, unless it’s for a kids’ marathon and they are required to pose for selfies with their cool mommies. I never see kids climbing up the monkey bars, do you? Will they shy away from competition or be able to survive it? OK, so we can accompany our kids till the college gate and sit in the waiting area while they

appear for a job interview. In one-child China, parents have been known to put up tents outside their college kids’ dorms. This is an invisible umbilical cord we are just not ready to cut. And, what happens after that? A child who is never used to losing – how will he survive in the big bad world? So what should we do? Stop telling our children that they are special all the time. They are not, at least not always. So reserve the praises for the times when they actually deserve.

Stop going out of the way to create happiness in their life. The life is a mix of joys and sorrows, and it is for a reason. We have no right to interfere with the nature. So let’s stop pretending that everything is all right when it’s not. Let the kids have their fair share of disappointments at an early age. It’s better to fail at 10, than at 40. Stop giving them things when they don’t require it. We had fewer toys, but did we ever complain? Were we unhappy because of that? No, right. So why are we teaching our kids to be materialistic? Why should they find happiness in toys and games, and not people? We give our children iPads, iPhones…we are teaching them it’s all right to speak to the gadgets, rather than people. Today’s kids have more virtual friends than actual friends. Stop hovering around them. Let them take action and be responsible for it. If they have done a wrong deed, they should take the punishment or the consequences for it. Do not protect them unnecessarily. Let them fall. And, do not cushion their fall. Also, let them get up on their own. Only when they fall, will they get up. Let them learn things on their own. Stop feeling guilty for things we can’t provide them. We are their parents, not super humans or Gods. Make kids understand our limitations. It’s not the kids who are at fault, but us, the parents. Let us sit with our parents and understand how they raised us – independent and fearless. We can take a leaf or two from their parenting book. It wouldn’t do us any harm, but might save our kids! R. Srinivasan SSE Parent, Abu Dhabi.

“A virtuous son is greater than even those who have acquired jnana (knowledge), vijnana (wisdom), sujnana (higher levels of consciousness) and prajnana (constant integrated awareness)”

DIVINE QUOTES Extract from Quotes of Sri Sathya Sai Baba - Kreations99 "Children's minds are innocent, tender and pure. Their minds are apt to grow crooked under the influence of the sensuous films, the hypocritical atmosphere created by elders, the lure of glitter and fame. So, the parents and schools have to attach great importance to discipline of children. But, extremes have to be avoided at all costs. Disciplinary rules have to be well thought out and adapted to the age group they wish to correct." "If you give joy to your parents, your children will be a source of joy to you in your declining years. Children should grow in the awareness of the brotherhood of man and the fatherhood of God. If no provision is made for this atmosphere and this teaching, we are denying them their due. Faith in man involves Faith in God; Faith in God creates Faith in man. Without faith, man is a creature bereft of roots; and he dries and withers quickly." "Motherhood is the most precious gift of God. Mothers are the makers of a nation's fortune or misfortune, for they shape the sinews of its soul. Those sinews are toughened by two lessons - fear of sin and fondness of virtue. As the mother, so the progress of the nation. As the mother, so the sweetness of culture." "Parents and teachers can earn My Grace only by becoming good and worthy examples to their sons or daughters or to their wards and students. You must examine yourselves every moment whether you are observing the disciplines I have laid down, the programmes of service I have marked out. That is the way to earn My Love." "Parents should not allow their children to fall away from their control and wander about without a compass or anchor. Many parents feed and fondle their children and then in the name of freedom, leave them to find their own friends and pleasures. They take them to films regardless of the impressions they create in their tender minds. They entertain the friends of their children but do not enquire about their antecedents and habits." "Parents toil to leave a pile of riches for their children, but they do not teach them the proper sense of

values. Children should be taught to live like lotuses in the lake, being in the water and yet unaffected by it. Lotuses cannot survive when out of the water; yet they will not allow water to enter! Be in the world, but see that the world is not in you. That is the secret of successful living, which they do not teach the young." "Teach children not to receive anything for nothing. Let them earn by hard work the things they seek. Love has first to gladden the home. The character of children must be made strong and pure. Give them all the confidence and courage they need to become good, honest, self-reliant children. It is not enough if they learn something by which they can earn a living; the manner of living is more important than the standard of living." "Teach the children sacred things and not nonsense verses. In the old days, the first words a child was taught at school were "Om Namah Shivaya". What should be implanted in the hearts of our children are sacred names like Rama and Krishna." "Teach your children this glorious and heart-expanding Truth from the early days of life: the Atma is full and free. It is a wonderful discovery, a thrilling thought. The Atma is by its very nature full; fullness need not be attained or accomplished or added to it. That is why the sages declared that Purity is our very nature and Fullness is our genuine reality." "The home is a temple. The mother is the high priestess of this House of God. Humility is the incense with which the house is filled. Reverence is the lamp that is lit, with love as the oil and faith as the wick. Spend the years of your life dedicating them for such worship in your homes.” "The thought that arises in the mind, the word that is formed on the tongue and the act performed by the hand - when these three are in harmony, they indicate humanness. “ Sita Rajender SSE Guru Abu Dhabi

SAI PARENTING

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he teachings of Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba on Parenting, which we refer to as Sathya Sai Parenting, embodying His Dharmic Wisdom, are the most spiritually correct methods on how to teach human values to our children for the purpose of building character, with Love, Understanding and Discipline. Your children are not your children, They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself, They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. -Kahlil Gibran All parents bring up their children in their own unique ways. However, we may generally classify all types of parenting into 3 categories:

1. DHRITHARAASHTRA PARENTING 2. HELICOPTER PARENTING 3. GANDHARI PARENTING

Dhritharaashtra parenting is: Not correcting the child when they do wrong and accepting anything the children do, which is born out of intense attachment and the consequent misrepresented expression of love. Helicopter parenting comes out of the expression “Hovering over the child like a helicopter” and not allowing any free expression of thoughts emanating from the in the child. This is what Kahlil Gibran beautifully explains as: You may strive to be like them, But seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday Gandhari parenting is the other end of freedom of expression of the child which becomes “absent parenting”. Some of us even justify being absent parents by saying that we are giving our children a lot of freedom to grow, that we are giving them “space”, that God will take care of them and so on. We are now faced with the difficult question:

“Parents should not think that parental responsibilities end with sending the children to school or college. They have a duty to see that the children grow into worthy citizens of the country”

WHICH STYLE OF PARENTING SHOULD WE FOLLOW? It must be understood that in Prakriti (the world in which we live) everything changes. The only unchanging factor in Prakriti is “CHANGE”. It is to be understood that in practical life, which is always changing, we have to change our styles as and when required to mould the child into a “Perfect Human”. This method of parenting which is constantly changing and guiding the child through its own thoughts towards a perfect human being which is possible only by “imbibing human values along with worldly knowledge” is “Dynamic Parenting”.

the sensuous films, the hypocritical atmosphere created by elders, the lure of glitter and fame. So, the parents have to attach great importance to discipline of children. But, extremes have to be avoided at all costs. Disciplinary rules have to be well thought out and adapted to the age group they wish to correct." - Baba Parenting is not easy. Hence, Swami has guided us with “Sai Parenting”. Neelakantan EHV coordinator, Qatar

Dynamic Parenting tells us that ideal parenthood is neither authoritarian (close to Helicopter Parenting) nor permissive (à la Dhritharaashtra). It is "Authoritative" without being harsh. Such parents give strong leadership and direction, are assertive and decisive, they set limits but provide guidance on discipline. They are involved with their children, but do not "hover" over them constantly. They keep lines of communication open with their children, practice good listening skills, never pre-judge their child, respond without reacting. They don't need to use threats because their family life is based on love and right conduct. The "authoritative" style of parenting enables the child to realize his uniqueness, fosters creativity, develops high self-esteem, and develops a sense of responsibility, independence and self-discipline. The key word for us parents to keep in mind is "moderation" or “Striking the right balance”. Giving our children "space" without being distant and withdrawn, being aware of their whereabouts and behaviour without "hovering", watching their actions, words and character while watching our own actions, words and character, being assertive without being aggressive, being firm without being harsh, being loving without using the excuse of "love" to give in to all their demands, being authoritative and being neither permissive nor authoritarian. And our top priority as parents must be the practice of human values and developing our homes into havens of values. LITTLE EYES SEE A LOT! "Children's minds are innocent, tender and pure. Their minds are apt to grow crooked under the influence of

"The biggest Gift parents can give to children is to connect with The Inner Sai"

For Private Circulation Only “Parents must feel that they are servants appointed by the Lord to tend the little souls that are born in their households, as the gardener tends the trees in the garden of the Master. " Sathya Sai Baba, SSS 1 pg. 70

Jai Sairam