i’ve been taught the date goes here. but this reflects a number of days, times, revelations and reflections. let’s just call it… full moon in cancer 2017

essence– it is january of 2017 and this year would mark 13 years of connection yet it feels as though we are so disconnected. and, in reality, we are... we barely speak anymore and if we do, it is brief. cordial. almost as though we don’t really know each other. which perhaps we don’t. or do we? it’s pretty complicated, or rather complex as i like to call it. but i appreciate it, all of it. and as difficult as it is to experience, i have nothing but infinite gratitude because through this relationship… i have learned so much about myself, seen myself in many forms, been forced to confront fears, tears and discomfort in ways unimaginable. i have had to undergo some of my life’s toughest lessons… i have been confused, inspired, challenged, frustrated and refined throughout the course. this must be what it feels like to heal, in motion. most importantly… i have received revelations around some of the most unattractive, misaligned, trauma-centered, contradictory aspects of myself. and have had to admit them, face them and essentially be committed to bettering them for the sake of bettering myself… you are a reflection of me in many ways, and I refuse to believe that our ancestors linked our paths in the ways they have been linked for no reason at all… learning to trust in divine timing. all things are in divine timing. ... though there are some things that i am uncertain of, i am sure of this: the spirit medicine we have shared is way too strong to not fully manifest into all of its greatness... we are here to breathe life. to heal. to nurture. to create. i trust the process because i know that without it, there is no product. i embrace each phase because i know that sometimes i don't know what i don't know yet. and the more i learn, i realize that learning to trust in divine timing is an ongoing lesson that comes from having no other option but to honor and appreciate all things divine... especially, siSTARhood. we are infinite.

love. INNERstanding. divinty. trust. courage. <3 s.h.y.n.e. soar higher you never end

… i know that in the past i have not honored your need to process things before attempting to have a heavy conversation. i acknowledge my flaw, and in an attempt to honor your need, i have chosen to share some written thoughts with you. my hope is that sometime soon we can make some time to connect , share innergy and clarify our souls’ paths… okay, so. over the last several months, i have spent a lot of time reflecting on our relationship, seeking clarity and asking for guidance from our ancestors. i don’t believe our relationship has come to an end. i feel like there is an opportunity and responsibility here to heal and nurture. i feel like our connection is divine, necessary and powerful. and i truly believe that we have everything we need in order to manifest what’s meant to come from this… the last time we exchanged innergy about our relationship, you shared that you were still unclear about if/how you would like to move forward. i have respected that space, and have only come in as much as you have invited me but i have to be honest and share this: it has been a painfully humbling experience for me to be in this place with you. … painful. because i feel like i am at the whim of your control. i feel like i can only engage with you if/when/how you decide. i feel like my needs and desires are not necessarily relevant to our interactions, status, connection and that in any given moment, i have to move with your current. should you decide we will interact, we will. should you decide that we are no longer going to interact, we don’t. but in the grand scheme of things… i have no input in whether/or not [we] are… this makes me feel disposable and unvalued. while it is not solely your responsibility to make me feel wanted and valuable, i think it it is important that i give voice to the girl in me so that i can thrive in the fullness of my wombmynhood. this circumstance is recreating pain points that i have been working to gain freedom from. the origin of these pain points surely do not start with you, yet i am continuing to be reminded of them as we remain where we are. … humbling. i have been forced to sit in an incredibly uncomfortable place and relinquish control. i have had to constantly ground myself in spirit, and not allow my ego to lead. i have had to honor and appreciate where you are; to trust in divine timing. to balance my emotions, and extend love even in moments where i don’t feel loved. i have had to be steadfast and unapologetic about who i am, what i feel/think/believe… and honor whatever space exists as a result of that. i have had to be willing to use my own spirit medicine to constantly nurture the pain that i feel, positioning me to release expectations of what/how i believed things “should” be or “should’ve” been happening. i have learned so much about myself; had opportunities to go further inward and engage with things that no longer serve me. and in doing so, i have realized a number of things that i have done in the past to contribute to the toxic, damaging, painful interactions we have had over the last three years… i have a feeling that you may think i believe our relationship challenges are solely your fault. if so, i want you to know that is not the case. i am clear that my role in this relationship has also contributed to where we are. if i am inaccurate in my feeling that you think that, please charge

it to my head and not my heart. i also have a feeling that you believe that you are not my type of person. that is not true. throughout the course, my love for you has remained unwavering. you have, and continue to, teach me. even lessons that i do/did not know i need/ed to learn. i am grateful for you. i am proud of you. i am proud of you. i am happy for you. i honor you. i love you… all of you. the challenge now is that while i realize things from my perspective, i also feel like it is important for you to give voice to your experience. to share with me the ways in which where we are affects you. what is your opinion on where we are? has this re-created any pain points for you? has it taught you anything? what do you think/feel about me + our relationship? … i also feel like it is important for us to have a full conversation and be accountable to the things that each of us has done to contribute to where we are. clear a pathway for healing to flow so that we are able to use our collective spirit medicine to heal ourselves, individually. even if the end result is that [we] no longer are, the fact of the matter is that you are still you and i am still i. both of us a wombmyn, goddesses, creators and healers. and to truly manifest the fullness of what we are in this 3d realm to accomplish, we must manifest the fullness of our humanities. it’s not only about ourselves, it is about niara + your future children. it is about my future children. it is about your current + future role with the wombmyn you reflect among. and the same for me.it is about jared. about ebony. it is about each and every one of your intimate relationships. and each one of mine as well. it is about our community. our society. our earth. i truly believe that we have a responsibility, and i am willing to do whatever it takes to fulfill that. where do you stand on this? … i know back in december we mentioned potentially linking for lunch. while i am still open to that, i have been engaging with the ways food creates agitation in our systems which contribute to mental and emotional blockages. reflecting on the congestion and imbalance in the chakras that is created; how this is numbing in many ways… since we would be engaging some deeply mental and emotional things, seeking clarity and spiritual guidance on how to move forward, i am wondering if maybe we should choose another setting? some options i have considered are: jeju sauna or perhaps even a walk/meet up at the park. if we do go for food, what about doing a yoga class first and choosing a vegan/raw restaurant? i do not want to force this on you, and again, am still open to linking over food. i just wanted to share my journey as it relates. i am flexible and open to whatever your preference is; please just let me know and we will make it happen. infinite gratitude and divine thanks for reading. excited for all of what’s to come. peace. love. clarity. collective healing. vulnerability. INNERstanding. growth. oloruntomi