A Distinct Lack of Mobility From Kill the Critic! by Todd Wallinger After accidentally killing New York City’s most powerful theatre critic, an actor drafts his costar to help fake a suicide note.

JACK, wisecracking older actor TREVOR, neurotic young actor

JACK: Where are you going? TREVOR: I was just going to step outside for a smoke. JACK: You don't smoke. TREVOR: No, but I really, really want to start. JACK: Oh, no, you don't. You're going to stay here and tell me who's in that wardrobe and why he shows a distinct lack of mobility. TREVOR: If I tell you a secret, do you promise not to tell? JACK: Sure, and after that we can stay up all night and paint each other's toenails. TREVOR: I'm serious, Jack. JACK: Look, if you're expecting ethical behavior, you're asking the wrong guy. I'm an actor, remember? TREVOR: I killed Bertram Finch. JACK: Bertram Finch, the theatre critic? TREVOR: Yes. JACK: Is there a reward? TREVOR: Sure. Free room and board from the State of New York and a deep personal relationship with a man known only as Scar.

1

JACK: Maybe Finch isn't dead. Maybe he's just, you know, relaxed. TREVOR: Does that look relaxed to you? JACK: No, that looks dead. TREVOR: You've got to help me get rid of him. JACK: Oh, no. I'm not stupid. That would make me an accessory after the fact. And I don't like the sound of this Scar person. TREVOR: It was your rat poison. JACK: So where should we dump him? TREVOR: I don't know. I was thinking we could sneak him into the freight elevator and take him down to the basement, but there are too many people around. JACK: Maybe we could toss him out the window. TREVOR: Oh, yeah. A 300-pound man doing a swan dive onto 44th Street. That won't attract attention at all. JACK: We could make it look like he jumped. TREVOR: What do you mean? JACK: You know, plant a suicide note or something. TREVOR: That's the most ridiculous idea I ever— Wait a minute. That's brilliant. JACK: Really? TREVOR: Yes. Take a letter. JACK: Who do you think I am, your secretary? TREVOR: Well, you can't expect me to write it. They'd think I was the murderer. JACK: We certainly wouldn't want that, would we? All right. Go ahead. TREVOR: "When in the course of human events—" JACK: No, no, no. TREVOR: What's wrong?

2

JACK: That's the Declaration of Independence. TREVOR: How do you know? JACK: I played Thomas Jefferson in The Founding Father Follies, remember? TREVOR: All right then. How about, "Goodbye, cruel world"? JACK: Oh, please. TREVOR: Now what's the matter? JACK: Finch is a professional journalist. He wouldn't be caught dead writing hackneyed garbage like that. TREVOR: Actually, it appears that he would. JACK: Let me give it a try. TREVOR: What, you think you can do better? JACK: Oh, I know I can do better. All right. Here goes. "I, Bertram Finch, being of sound mind and body—" TREVOR: Wait a minute. You call that body sound? JACK: No, I don't. But he would. TREVOR: Good point. JACK: "Being of sound mind and body, I hereby declare that I have seen the error of my ways. Too long have I dipped my pen in the inkwell of bitterness and acerbity." TREVOR: Acerbity? JACK: It's a Scrabble word. 15 points. TREVOR: What does it mean? JACK: I have no idea. TREVOR: Go on. JACK: "And I wish to make recompense for my sins against humanity."

3

TREVOR: That's laying it on a little thick, don't you think? JACK: Not yet, I don't. TREVOR: Oh, boy. JACK: "The greatest of these sins is my failure to recognize the genius of that master thespian Jack Mann." TREVOR: Hold on. Why do you get the rave review? JACK: Because I'm dictating the note. TREVOR: Yeah, but I killed him. JACK: That's only because you didn't give me a shot at him first.

To purchase the entire play, email the playwright at [email protected].

4

A District Lack of Mobility.pdf

JACK: Oh, no. I'm not stupid. ... take him down to the basement, but there are too many people around. JACK: Maybe ... Page 3 of 4. A District Lack of Mobility.pdf.

281KB Sizes 0 Downloads 217 Views

Recommend Documents

Lack of Evidence of Simian Immunodeficiency Virus ...
Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2010. Abstract It is now well established that the ..... amount of material still available after DNA analysis and antibody detection. For fecal. DNA extractions, we used ... them directly using the inner primers

Efficiency and Lack of Commitment in an Overlapping ...
than a young agent. Endowments are perishable and there is no saving technology. At each date, every agent can transfer some part of his/her endowments to ...

Addendum to “Concentration and lack of observability ...
the ODE in the exterior domain R\K with the Cauchy data given by ̂. ϕj(y) and ̂. ϕj(y) at the extremes of K. In this way, uj, defined by (2.24), is extended to a solution of (2.1) in. R d × [0,T]. To simplify the notation we denote the extension

Overcoming the Lack of Parallel Data in ... - Research at Google
compression is making use of rich feature rep- ..... As an illustration to the procedure, consider the .... 6Recall from the beginning of the section that for the full.

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT NORTHERN DISTRICT OF ...
Apr 1, 2017 - the Walton County Sheriff's Office, the Walton County Tourist Development. Council, the South Walton Fire District, and other emergency ...

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT NORTHERN DISTRICT OF ...
Apr 1, 2017 - Cty. of Los Angeles, Cal., 482 U.S. 304, 314-15 (1987) (“First English. Evangelical”). However .... Lee Cty., Fla., 317 F. App'x 968, 972 (11th Cir.

Concentration and lack of observability of waves in ...
interior of the domain respectively (see [10]). For a long time the problem of whether these estimates do hold for less regular coefficients (say ρ ∈ L∞(0, 1) or ρ ...

Abortion and the lack of Reproductive Health Care ...
women and many hurdles and barriers still exist. ... Direct Cause: Women cannot afford reproductive health care services ... Retrieved from:www.web.mit.edu ...

at a Glance District - South Western School District
Learners have a voice and choice for self-directed, customized learning supported by a caring and progressive network of educators. The South Western School ...

Are micro-entrepreneurs constrained by their lack of ...
Email: [email protected]. §Pontificia ... and FinanceUC. Email: [email protected]. ..... The number of marketing actions taken, which is simply the sum of the ...

Lack of career growth-Pointsman category.PDF
PROLONGS QUALITY OF LIFE. e. Page 1 of 1. Lack of career growth-Pointsman category.PDF. Lack of career growth-Pointsman category.PDF. Open. Extract.

lack of genetic differentiation among four sympatric ...
Jul 11, 2007 - sites north of Cape St Lucia (Fig. 1) were characterized by two distinct but closely related clusters, each confined to a single sampling locality ...

MOL in Opp M Dismiss Lack of IPJD.pdf
Page 1 of 23. REDACTED. UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT. DISTRICT OF MINNESOTA. Blu Dot Design & Manufacturing, Inc.,. Plaintiff,. Court File No. 17-cv-03208-PJS-KMM. v. Stitch Industries, Inc. d/b/a Joybird. Furniture,. Defendant. MEMORANDUM IN OPPOSIT

at a Glance District - South Western School District
Boys & Girls Soccer – V, JV. Coed Cross Country – V, JH. Volleyball (Girls) – V, JV. Cheerleading – V, JV, 9th, *8th, *7th. Winter. Boys & Girls Basketball – V, JV, ...

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW ...
SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK. VIACOM INT'L INC., ... 07-CV-3582 (LLS). DECLARATION OF MICAH SCHAFFER IN SUPPORT OF DEFENDANTS'.

united states district court southern district of new york ... - Dealbreaker
Aug 16, 2017 - among companies that are, in our free market economy, supposed to compete ...... with the goal of providing data and analytics about securities ...

united states district court central district of california
with the Writers Guild of America in 1999 (registration no. ... subject of an American Civil War veteran who journeys to Japan in 1871 during the country's ..... Japan with her young son, which sets the stage for Trevor's murder by Saigo and ...

united states district court for the eastern district of pennsylvannia
Feb 10, 2010 - He is a senior at Pomona College in. Claremont ..... While he was being led away, Mr. George asked, “Can you tell me what is going on?