Pesach 5774
Disconnect to Reconnect
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My father, z”l, once heard a comedian complain, “I work like a dog a whole year, and comes Pesach, I don’t have a piece of bread on the table.” Without missing a beat, my Dad said, “Don’t worry. It will all pass over.” There’s got to be more to Pesach than just going breadless. All the dedicated cleaning has to mean something more than carb reduction. After burning the chametz Erev Pesach, while all the kids are stoking the fire and the adults rush back to get ready for Yom Tov, some people stay a bit longer to say a special tefillah from the AriZal: “May it be your will, Hashem ... that just as I am destroying chametz from my home and my domain, so too, may all ‘external forces’... all klippos [‘shells’ or ‘husks’ — the materialistic forces of evil] ... be consumed in smoke. ..." When a synagogue in Manattan called Romemu that identifies itself as progressive announced a special Pesach campaign to rid themselves of spiritual digital “chametz,” it was time to sit up and take notice.
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They sent out the following email to their membership: "From Monday evening, April 14th until sundown on Tuesday, April 22nd, Romemu will not send any community emails and the staff will not send or respond to any individual emails. "And since any chametz that is owned during Pesach should not be eaten after Pesach (this is known as chametz she’avar alav ha’Pesach), any emails that come in while we are out will not be read. Everyone will get an auto-response asking that the email be resent after Pesach." What about the chametz in our pockets? The cell-shells that cut us off from the world around us—just as they lull us into thinking they are connecting us? How about thinking, as we burn the chametz, that maybe we should be disconnecting from some of our own cell-shells? In preparation, here is a book of eyeopening cartoons.
— Mordechai Schiller@Hamodia
Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
© Hamodia
Digital Crumbs
Published by Hamodia Newspaper, 207 Foster Avenue, Brooklyn N.Y. 11230 (718) 853-9094 Fax: (718) 853-9103 E-mail:
[email protected] Acknowledgements Illustrations and concepts: Naftali Cisner Color and Design: Heshy Ehrenreich Satire: Mordechai Schmutter, Chany Kurtz, Mendy Hecht, Mordechai Schiller All rights reserved. © Reproduction by any means without written permission from the publisher is prohibited.
2 4/2/2014 7:55:57 PM
© Hamodia
What’s going on with this tribe? They are surrounded by pretty flowers, plants and trees, decent people and adorable, healthy children, under a pleasant blue sky, and all these people look at and talk to are those different-colored boxes?!
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
3 4/2/2014 7:55:58 PM
INSTRUCTIONS FOR YOUR NEW PHONE:
© Hamodia
TIP: Ask your 5-year-old.
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
4 4/2/2014 7:55:59 PM
FROM THOSE WONDERFUL FOLKS WHO BROUGHT YOU ETCH A KVETCH:
The All-New
OyPhone Comes with useless apps you simply can’t live without, including: •W eather Kvetch—senses whether it’s too hot or too cold, with nothing in-between.
© Hamodia
• Mechutanim Kvetch—criticizes your • Mechutanim • Son-in-law • Daughter-in-law • Shidduch prospects who turned you down. •M other of all Kvetches—complains about your children. (Adjustable to kvell about your son, the doctor.) • “ I Don’t Deserve This” Kvetch—nags children who haven’t called or visited for a week. Mega-kvetch settings for missed Yom Tov, anniversary and birthday greetings. Your choice of three whine tones: • “Oyyyyy!” • “Vey iz mir!” • “Nuuuuuuu!”
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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The Freedom Connection Cell Supplement p1-29.indd 6
Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
© Hamodia
Amazing how similar kids are to cell phones! They like to be held all the time, and constantly demand attention. But if you press the wrong button, you're in trouble.
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© Hamodia
“They say talking to your plant helps it grow healthy. Does it work with texting as well?” of g n i k Thin while you ut … o I'm
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
7 4/2/2014 7:56:00 PM
© Hamodia
Moshe! Get rid of frogs ASAP! ttyl btw, Go! -P
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
8 4/2/2014 7:56:01 PM
© Hamodia
If Benny downloaded 375 pictures and each picture is 4.3 megabytes, and he has 2 gigabytes a month plan, how many more pictures can Benny download this month?
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
9 4/2/2014 7:56:02 PM
And my grandson says something even simpler: Just text.
© Hamodia
My grandma used to say, the best thing for a sore throat is to simply take a cup of tea with a spoonful of honey.
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
10 4/2/2014 7:56:02 PM
© Hamodia
Are you sure the animals are okay? It’s pretty quiet around here lately.
Not to worry, they probably started texting.
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
11 4/2/2014 7:56:03 PM
© Hamodia
“Ma, how am I supposed to manage only with unlimited minutes!”
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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Dear Chavi,
© Hamodia
How's life treating you? Mommy and I miss you tons. Any chance of getting to see you before the next time your smartphone crashes? Love, Totty and Mommy
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
13 4/2/2014 7:56:04 PM
© Hamodia
“That's a book. In the olden days, people used it to install software into their brains."
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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© Hamodia
“Can't we just have this conversation in person?”
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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...And I just sent you a clip of myself dancing for you, so I won’t have to shlep in from the country... Okay! Time to break the glass! Or, perhaps the phone...
© Hamodia
...So nice of you to call at this special moment, while the Rav is mesader kedushin...
“A KESHER SHEL KAYAMA”? The Freedom Connection Cell Supplement p1-29.indd 16
Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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Hamodia Supplement
© Hamodia
“Good morning Rabbi Katz, I have a sheilah. Coffee spilled on my iPhone, can I now text someone a fleishig recipe?”
Pesach 5774/2014
17 4/2/2014 7:56:05 PM
© Hamodia
I’m so impressed! I programed my phone to do ANYTHING! When it finishes charging, it says Modeh Ani... Before it conks out, it leins Kriyas Shema... When I delete the trash, it’ll say Asher Yatzar... It can even be oleh laTorah. As soon as I place it next to the Torah it will say the brachos...
Wow, really amazing! Can it go hagbah too?
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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GPS Destination: Shemoneh Esrei Estimated time: 3.52 min. Back up 4 feet... Return to original location... Bow down... straighten out... Proceed straight for .18 min... Bow down... straighten out... Proceed straight for 1.4 min... Hit to the left 2 times...
© Hamodia
Turn left
Ding, ding, ding... Missed V’sain tal umatar... Recalculating ... Return to original location... Bow down... straighten out... Proceed as above... Ding, ding, ding... Above speed limit! Slow down... Bow down... straighten out... In .24 min. bow down... straighten out... Go for .14 min... Back up 4 feet... left turn, keep right, turn back to middle lane, and stay straight for 4 feet. You have reached your destination...
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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© Hamodia
Who could have messed with the GPS on my phone? Every time I try to go to the mall, I get a text message from my bank with a low balance alert. The Freedom Connection Cell Supplement p1-29.indd 20
Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
20 4/2/2014 7:56:08 PM
© Hamodia
What a mentsch!
“And the best part is, it comes pre-loaded with four months' worth of text messages wishing your mechutan a gut Shabbos.” The Freedom Connection Cell Supplement p1-29.indd 21
Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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Gevald! Don't die!
Oy vey! Who's dying?
Umm ... er... © Hamodia
OFFICE
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
© Hamodia
“We just married off our child and we're so stressed out. Can't you find a place where a cell won’t work?”
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© Hamodia
This phone is such a brachah. We get to have our einiklach over, and the house stays clean. And if they get rowdy ...
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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Hamodia Supplement
© Hamodia
Feivy... great to see you! How’s the new job going? Not so great, Chaim.... Why, what’s the matter? Well, I wanted to be more efficient, so I got a smartphone. So what’s wrong with that? It organized everything—I didn’t have to worry anymore about my bookkeeping, accounting or scheduling. So what’s wrong with that? My boss fired me and bought the phone! Pesach 5774/2014
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Hamodia Supplement
© Hamodia
A desperate plea for Pidyon Shevuyim.
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© Hamodia
Machsom L’thumbs
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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© Hamodia
“Oh, my, there’s still another whole half an hour! That’s forever!”
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Hamodia Supplement
Pesach 5774/2014
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© Hamodia
“Attention please. Shabbos is coming. You’re released for the day!”
Hurray, it’s Shabbos! Break out of your cell! The Freedom Connection Cell Supplement p1-29.indd 29
Hamodia Supplement
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